I absolutely feel like the most laziest person EVER.

Seriously.

School started up again a little over two weeks ago- a total of 12 school days has passed.  I have been in school for a grand total of 5 days out of those 12.  That's right FIVE.  Granted, two of those days were "cold days" and two were "holidays" (for lack of a better term), but still.  Five.  I feel like I have missed so much.

I was actually relieved when I returned from Kentucky and found my students had not, in fact, killed the substitute.  If anything they thought he was as incompetent as the rest of the teachers on my floor did and commented several times on his ability to fall asleep quickly.

Very reassuring that one is. 

::Note to self::

Never allow male sub C to be in classroom again.

::End Note to self::

So not only have I missed a lot of school, but I feel as though I have been working 24 hour shifts at the IHOP.  It's like I can't get enough sleep and my stress o' meter is far too high.

At least my students have not received my angry eyes yet.  They did, however, receive several sighs and "just go." from me today.  One of which happened at the end of the school day.

Picture my classroom if you will:

Seven minutes to go and all seems calm.  I have finished my lesson for the day and my students are happily playing scrabble, talking quietly amongst themselves, or playing educational games on the smartboard (what can I say, this is my advance class and I love them). 

Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off!  All my students look at me and get up to follow the "fire emergency" procedures.  I encourage them to continue in this effort while I find my shoes (no judgment from you.  They are extremely high heels.)  Some students panic for our class turtle and stop to grab him on the way out.  As quickly as it began, the alarm goes off.

"Hmm..." we all say.  Confused looks, followed by quick teacher conference in the hall and an announcement that all is well lead us to usher the middle schoolers back inside. 

No sooner had my advanced awesome students returned to their scrabble games then the alarm goes off again.  I calmly (yet loudly since the alarm is ridiculously EEEEEEEERRRR) told my students to stay where they were and went into the hallway for another quick teacher conference.  This time the "fire alarm man" came on so I thought to my self, "Self, this must be serious."  After all, only on serious fire alarm drills does the fire alarm man come on with his monotonous, yet very serious and concerned voice yell monotonously:  "Fire.  Fire.  Leave IMMEDIATELY.  Fire.  Fire.  Leave IMMEDIATELY."  (PS- I just wanted to see how many times I could get monotonous in that last sentence).

So I send my students out into the hallway- "Quick!  Go!  Fire!  We are told to leave immediately!  Forget the turtle!  It's every amphibian for himself!"

NO SOONER had most of my kids gotten down the stairs then I hear "FALSE ALARM!" over the "Fire.  Fire.  Leave IMMEDIATELY"  and the EEEEEEEERRRRRR.

"Wait!"  I holler to my slow, unconcerned for their lives children on the stairs.  "Get everyone back up here!"  Then I hear "Miss Shakespeare!  Charles is across the street!"

Great.

Luckily everyone returned (while the "Fire.  Fire." and EEEEEEERRRRR was still going on), and we were able to pack up bags amidst the EEEERRRRR and "Leave IMMEDIATELY." and be ready to leave when the last bell rang amidst the EEEEEEERRR. 

Here is the best part about sixth graders.  I don't know if you know this, dear reader, but when the bell rings to dismiss you and there is still a fire alarm going on, that totally gives you license to scream like a kindergartner at recess. 

So now we have "Fire.  Fire.  Leave IMMEDIATELY."  And "EEEERRRRR"  happening amidst the  "Ahhhhhh!!!!" of sixth graders.

The fire alarm stops.

::sigh of relief::

The fire alarm starts again.

::"EEEEEEERRRR."  "Fire.  Fire. Leave IMMEDIATELY."  "Ahhhhhhh!!!"::

Only that last time it was accompanied with "For the love of everything HOLY!  Get your bags and get out of the building!!"  (that would be the teachers yelling over the EEERRR.  And Fire.  And Ahh!!)

I would say that was where my day ended.  But after 6 more minutes of fire alarms AFTER the students had left, and a 3rd grader peeing his pants at math tutoring and then asking if I, the teacher in 2 inch high heels, could stop running because he, the energetic 3rd grader, was tired of running, I said "No.  The bus will leave you now suck it up and get moving!"

In my mind of course... :)

I don't know which I would rather deal with more: screaming sixth graders and a continuous fire alarm, or a third graders with pee down to his knees.

Choices, choices...

Ah, the life of me...