You know you should be paid more when you tell others what you do, and the first response that leaves his/her mouth is, "Why?"

Always an encouragement that one.

One day I shall shock and awe my 'feel sorry for me' listeners when I respond with one of the following:

• I would have been a nurse, but my fangs don't allow me to be near human blood.
• I had planned on being a politician, but, alas, they told me I had too much sound judgment, common sense, and selflessness. Of course, I am also full of great humility (but you would never hear me say so)

And Lastly:

• I was going to major in M.R.S., but unfortunately, they only had so many degrees and if you didn't grab one your freshman year you were, quite frankly, S.O.L. (The M.R.S. alternative certification was also an option, but I wasn't that desperate.)

And, so, there you have it. You, as a reader, have now used your clever deductive reasoning to deduce that I am neither a nurse nor politician nor am I married. And if you are incredibly daft and haven't read the title of this blog, then I will make this simple for you: I am, in fact, a sixth grade English teacher. Although, I believe the preferred term is "Language Arts." And one day, "Teacher" might be dropped all together and replaced with "Adult who happens to stand guard in a room of crazy, hormonal, smelly kids."

Something like that...

I don't know if it would all fit on a badge though...AWHTSGIAROCHSK.

Wow. Trying saying that five times fast...

More like, try saying that at all.

Continuing...

I most certainly did not grow up with the desire to become a teacher. Between my undiagnosed ADD and my habit of perpetual procrastination, TEACHER was not one of the jobs on my "When I Grow Up..." List.

Well, I suppose that's not true.

It was actually on my "When I Grow Up Do NOT Become Any of the Following..." I think 'teacher' was numbered somewhere between 'deep sea fisherman' and 'counselor.' (I don't have time for whiners.) (Or fish.)

So I am writing this blog (and the readers say, "HUZZAH!") mainly because I have had a lot of complaints that I need to, but also because I thought 'what the hey-dizzle. Might as well share my life with others who have nothing else to do but read random blogs all day long.' And if that is you, dear reader, please let me know what your secet is to so much free time. (Unless it is unemployment. To that I say, "Get thee off of thy couch and get to work thou lazy pox-ridden wench!")

No, I do not make it a habit of speaking 'Shakespearean,' and no, my name is not Miss Shakespeare, but I decided that while protecting the identities of any student or parent I might talk about, I might as well protect my own.

After all, it's only a matter of time before some middle schooler gets on here and goes, "Hey. That's my teacher." (said in a very monotonic, not quite all there, very obvious statement of a voice...)

So, why not make it as hard as possible to find me while I create a bit of fun online?

Indeed...